By Nisha
Fear.. Who doesn't feel it? Everyone does. Even I did. And still do. I still remember clearly the first time ever I felt the real 'intense fear', and it was of losing my sister, just after pushing her down my shop-house stairs when she was busy riding her small peddle-chair.
The second time I felt fear was when my dad, instead of beating me up for a reason I cant seem to recall, had send me naked right to the ugly-dark store room surrounded by coconut trees and monkeys behind my shop at the age of 7. The fear at that time was of the dark, which somehow I've managed to overcome.
Shortly after that, when I was 13, my next fear returned and this time it was all because of me myself. I still remember the day I learned about negative numbers and was one of the few ones who really understood it. That night my boyfriends parents came visiting and me, typically a showing-off person, brought my work book and sat right directly under their nose to do my work (just to show that 'I was a very hardworking and smart girl who studies all the time so you better accept me when ur boy tells you about me'). And as usual my uncle had to disturb all my plans by asking me questions from that book which naturally I couldn't answer. The fear at that time, was nothing but of being embarrassed, in front of them, and later my bf.
And now, that same kind of foolish fear is returning. Only this time, I fear of being 'beaten'. Beaten in my own game, all because I never listened to my friends when they told me 'to take things easily' and 'live life like there is no tomorrow'. And I, as stubborn as always, never listened, feared of not having a secured job if I listened to them, enrolled into this program while now; they are really having excitement in their lives, all with good jobs, and a life that I envy. On the other hand, look at me!! I'm so far from having fun, I certainly don't look like I'll have a enjoyable job (if I hv to stay in the hosp for 4 yrs), and am far-off from having a 'life'. I just wonder if I did indeed listened to them, how my life would have been..
By Nisha
It has been approximately 2 weeks since I wrote anything and so..here I am!! Well let's just conclude my whole two weeks to be just normal; the usual dull classes, exhausting hospital clerkship, and of course not forgetting fantastic, out-of-this-world dance classes.
It all started from my hospital attachment where although it was suppose to be the main highlight of my days as a pharmacy student, it disappointedly turned out to be the most unexciting event of the year! Although it is a bit early to say it since I've only gone there for 2 days, but I'm assured that nothing great is going to turn out from this. I mean how great is it going to be when you are attached to a sick person who will eventually go back to his creator?? My first case itself almost brought me close to tears which only proves that I'm so not fit to be a pharmacist; Or at least not a hospital pharmacist.
Everything else was all right. I mean normal; lengthy hospital reports, tedious assignments, wee hour classes, mind-numbing lectures, bla..bla..
Right now, I'm just counting hours to go back home. Ok it's not like I haven't been home for months or something. I just got back from there 2 weeks ago. So, what's all that excitement about?? Well.. NADS n SHAMIN is coming back with me!! Hurray!! It has been ages since any of my friends came back home with me and I'm so-so excited playing the imperfect host again :-) I don't know why but every time someone comes to my home town, I just love showing them around (although there is nothing to see), and the pride I have then, is just like the pleasure I get when a foreigner says Malaysia is the best! :-) what to do..i just love both my home..
By Nisha
I'm just getting really bored and irritated pigging out at home. I'm practically counting my days before my college reopens. Except, I don't really want to go to class. I mean I want to go to college and meet my friends and just hang around cafeteria doing nothing but I don't really want to attend those upcoming boring, draggy classes. Infect I just saw my time table and it looks like I'm heading for lesser sleeping time and no doubt my dark eye circles are just going to amplify. On top of that I have clerkship, which I think besides the initial excitement that is intended to last for only 2 weeks; will end up being nothing but pain. The only positive outcome from all this (hopefully), will be that ill loose weight!! Ok I really do hope that's what's going to happen and not put on, thanks to the additional stress. But hell I don't know. And the worse part out of all of this is that most of the clerkships I'm will end up being all alone. Yap 'alone', coz preets and nads are together most of the time and unfortunately their days and mine just don't match. Wuhuhuh…sigh, well I just hope everything goes alright and my lucky stars will shine. (if you know what I mean :-))
