A Journey from the 'Dynamite Phone Call' to the 'Germinating Roses'
I still remember the day I got the phone call. The phone call that destroyed everything I’ve believed and had faith in. The phone call that had crushed my hopes and dreams of the future, the phone call that made my memories seem like a dreadful nightmare. The phone call that was from my ex, who had betrayed me and said everything we had created for the past 10 years, was an ancient history.
That day was the worst day of my life. It was not just the end of my relationship; it was more like the end of all the self-esteem and confidence I’ve ever had in myself, not to mention the end of trust I had for the opposite sex. After that day, I never had the confidence to look into the mirror and assertively said I was beautiful and stunning. I never had the drive to do better in studies in the hope to be a researcher someday (a dream I told him about and he laughed at it!), and I undoubtedly had lost the aspiration I used to have within myself to shine in everything I do (since I trust that when you do something, do it properly or don’t even bother wasting your precious sleep over it :-)) all thanks to him, who had constantly made me belief that I was worthless and useless without him. (And how stupid can I be for ‘swallowing’ that big lump of lies!) I was also more than convinced that no matter how I look, no matter what changes I did, I will never be able to be like all the other girls; confident, gorgeous hotties that continually gets all the attention and are adored.
And now, all I wish is; I’ll never get ‘the phone call’ from K, which certainly would ‘wipe out’ every belief for real this time if it happens.
But then again, the darkest point in the night is just before dawn. And K, (till today for me) resembles the first light in the wee hours, which will always rise, regardless of what takes place, never letting me blinded by the 'darkness' again...
That day was the worst day of my life. It was not just the end of my relationship; it was more like the end of all the self-esteem and confidence I’ve ever had in myself, not to mention the end of trust I had for the opposite sex. After that day, I never had the confidence to look into the mirror and assertively said I was beautiful and stunning. I never had the drive to do better in studies in the hope to be a researcher someday (a dream I told him about and he laughed at it!), and I undoubtedly had lost the aspiration I used to have within myself to shine in everything I do (since I trust that when you do something, do it properly or don’t even bother wasting your precious sleep over it :-)) all thanks to him, who had constantly made me belief that I was worthless and useless without him. (And how stupid can I be for ‘swallowing’ that big lump of lies!) I was also more than convinced that no matter how I look, no matter what changes I did, I will never be able to be like all the other girls; confident, gorgeous hotties that continually gets all the attention and are adored.
All that was until K told me that he likes me. I was suspicious of him at first and as usual I assumed that he was like all the ‘testosterones’ around; just wanting to have fun. So when he told me that he liked me, I never took him seriously. Little did I know that he actually was considering me going steady with him and… I had my first bunch of roses last Sunday!! I am just so happy. It’s still too early to say anything but what I really treasure is that ever since I’ve become fond of him, he had changed my perceptions and view of myself . Suddenly I feel like the most beautiful girl. Out of the blue I have the drive and desire to excel again, all to be on par with him. In fact I’ve never missed any of my evening exercise sessions, all to make sure that I look alright next to muscle man :-0
And now, all I wish is; I’ll never get ‘the phone call’ from K, which certainly would ‘wipe out’ every belief for real this time if it happens.
But then again, the darkest point in the night is just before dawn. And K, (till today for me) resembles the first light in the wee hours, which will always rise, regardless of what takes place, never letting me blinded by the 'darkness' again...
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